1
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:13,880
[knocks on door]

2
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:17,520
Hey, Christoph, you…

3
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,000
- Hey, Vin.
- You all right?

4
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:23,240
Yeah. Fine, I'm fine.

5
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:24,760
You look like shit, man.

6
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,360
- You see patients like that?
- Yeah, you're right.

7
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,120
- I'm not sleeping.
- Oh.

8
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:32,360
- Got a bifta on you?
- You can't have a bifta at work.

9
00:00:32,439 --> 00:00:36,120
- You're fuckin' diagnosing people.
- I can do that with my eyes closed.

10
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,040
Go on, give us a… Have you got a vape?

11
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,880
- One toot.
- It's strong. Just take it easy.

12
00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:40,920
[grunts]

13
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,600
Just a bit.
That's enough. That's a good amount.

14
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,920
Fuck, dude. You're going to end up
throwing a whitey, man.

15
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,360
That's enough. Your fucking eyes
are bulging out your head.

16
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,760
- [splutters]
- What's going on with you?

17
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,960
It's my ex. She's getting married again
next weekend.

18
00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,080
So, go on. What's the problem, then?

19
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,360
It's just making me reflect, Vin.
You know.

20
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,480
I've been looking at myself
squarely in the face

21
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,560
- and saying...
- What a wanker.

22
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,920
Yeah. I mean, who are you?
I'm 50-years-old.

23
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,840
I'm just frittering my life away,

24
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,080
bedding this endless parade
of fit young women.

25
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:20,000
It's just a blur of knees and blowjobs.

26
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,240
It's all because of this.
It's so easy now with that.

27
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:25,840
It's like my life has become
one great big wet orgasm.

28
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,960
- God, how awful!
- Right, thanks.

29
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:29,840
- Thanks for your sympathy.
- Fuck.

30
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,880
I listen to you week in, week out.

31
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,880
When I've got a problem, you're never...

32
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:38,080
I'm sorry. And I really mean that.
I know you love, er, Maria.

33
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,440
- Melinda.
- Melinda.

34
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,560
If I had a flower
for every time I think of you,

35
00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,800
I'd walk in my garden forever.

36
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,480
Tennyson. It's poetry.

37
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,480
It's intense.

38
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,800
- It was her favourite.
- Mmm.

39
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:57,840
The human heart, eh?

40
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,080
It's a capricious and mercurial beast.

41
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,160
[ping]

42
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,080
Oh?

43
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,480
- Oh, she's nice.
- No.

44
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,800
Look at that. It's blonde.

45
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,000
- It's blonde.
- Look at the mammaries on that!

46
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,600
All right! You fucking sociopath, Chris.

47
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,080
- I'm doing all right. Bipolar's good.
- Keen hiker.

48
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:20,000
You're so unprofessional, dude.
You get on my fucking… tits.

49
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:23,080
- You all right, Mr Bishop?
- Yeah, good, good. You?

50
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,960
- Done summat to your hand?
- No. Nothing.

51
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:27,960
You're being a bit sheepish.
What have you done?

52
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,000
- Nothing.
- Oh, come ahead.

53
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,200
Go on.

54
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,160
All right, but you can't laugh, yeah?

55
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,600
- Yeah.
- Promise?

56
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,040
Yeah, I do. Promise.

57
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:43,720
- Ooh! [laughs]
- Yeah, all right.

58
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:47,480
Sorry. Fuck, dude, what have you done?

59
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,000
An accident with the fish.

60
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,000
What do you mean, with a fish?

61
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:53,320
Are you trying to say
I've been fingering my fish?

62
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,360
What else… What else could it be?

63
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,600
You couldn't even… Their arses are…

64
00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:59,120
It's you that suggested fingering...

65
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,480
You're the one doing the gesturing!
What's that if it's not fingering?

66
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,480
Fuck's sake, dude! That woman's
really… She's heard that.

67
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,560
Fine.

68
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,640
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye to you.

69
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,040
["Money (That's What I Want)" playing]

70
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,200
- [laughs]
- [woman] Shh! Do you mind?

71
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,640
Sorry.

72
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:19,560
[phone rings]

73
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,920
Bollocks!
What does he fucking want? Hello?

74
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,600
Are you still a petty criminal?

75
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,400
Cheeky bastard! I'm a professional thief.

76
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:27,800
I want to hire you.

77
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:29,720
Hmm?

78
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,920
Go on, then. What can we help you with?

79
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,240
Business, Vinnie.

80
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,360
I hear you're a man
that can get things done.

81
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,600
As you're already aware,
my ex-wife is an unpleasant woman.

82
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:46,360
She's manipulative and conniving
and… sexually loose.

83
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:47,640
I can testify to that.

84
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,760
We are still engaged in a bitter
and acrimonious divorce battle.

85
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,360
- Still?
- Still. It's at an impass-ey.

86
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,440
Impasse.

87
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,080
That bitch has got me house,
me kids, and half me money.

88
00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,840
And I tolerated it. Ha-ha!

89
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,560
I was being the height
of fucking reasonable.

90
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,120
But now she's gone too far.
Now she's involved

91
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:08,760
three beautiful and innocent ladies
that have got nothing to do with it.

92
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,240
Which ladies?

93
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:13,800
- Me classic cars.
- Ooh!

94
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:17,760
I registered them all in her name.
Tax dodge.

95
00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:20,519
Now she's only gone and fucking
sold them for a pound apiece

96
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:21,720
to her new boyfriend.

97
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,960
It's not about the money, Vin. It…

98
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,480
I… I just want them cars!

99
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,720
What are you doing, pretending to cry?

100
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,120
Trying to cry there?
Your missus tried to do that…

101
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,280
- Remember his missus trying to cry?
- [laughter]

102
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,920
All right, look, I just love the cars
and I want them back.

103
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,720
All right. Where are they
and who's the new boyfriend?

104
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:46,440
I've no idea. But whoever he is,
he must be blind and deaf and…

105
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,160
like getting slobbery blowjobs
from a halitosis gob.

106
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,080
I actually found her
surprisingly fragrant.

107
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,840
This whole thing could just be
a ruse to piss me off.

108
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,000
But it's possible she has sold them.

109
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,080
All right, we'll get them back for you.

110
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,560
- But that's not enough there.
- No, this now,

111
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,320
and the same again when the cars
are back in my possession. Deal?

112
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,536
- It's not enough.
- You don't know how much is there.

113
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,120
- How much is there?
- Loads.

114
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:10,960
Nailed it, Dylan.

115
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,720
All right, misery bollocks, who do you
want to be? Good cop or bad cop?

116
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,880
I'm done with cops.
No one does it properly.

117
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,720
Let's find out who this
fucking boyfriend is.

118
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,080
You're miserable today.

119
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:23,400
Miserable.

120
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,720
- Hello, boys.
- You all right, love?

121
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,840
- Yeah.
- Bit flirty. Go get your mam, will you?

122
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,000
Mum!

123
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:40,120
Oh, well. If it isn't
the useless fish killers.

124
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,320
- What do you two want?
- Hello, Daphne.

125
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,400
Don't Daphne me. Has he sent you?

126
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,760
What does he want this time?
Money related, no doubt.

127
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:50,400
Yeah, a bit. Your husband,
he's getting a bit frustrated.

128
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,480
This divorce, it's taking
a bit of doing, isn't it?

129
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,720
- He's sent us down.
- In the spirit of goodwill.

130
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,840
Yeah. He just wants it over with
so you can move on with your lives.

131
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,160
- He's got that lass from the shop.
- That skinny Botox bitch?

132
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,720
Yeah, her. And you've got
whoever you've got.

133
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,920
- I hope he's dead nice, an' all.
- Found herself someone nice?

134
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,960
Right, so that's it, is it?

135
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,800
He wants to know who the boyfriend is.

136
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:15,400
Well, you can tell him from me

137
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:20,520
that I am sucking the D-I-C-K

138
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,440
of every eligible bachelor in Hawley.

139
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,440
Now piss off!

140
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:27,600
Magenta.

141
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,280
Right. Plan B, stakeout.

142
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:33,960
Gis a light, will you?

143
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,280
I grew that place, right?

144
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,960
From a fucking spit and sawdust strip club

145
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,560
to a high-class erotic establishment.

146
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,280
[sniffs] And now she, Erin,

147
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:46,840
thinks she can swan in

148
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:50,440
and make it all feminist burlesque
and suffragette theme nights.

149
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,880
You've got to move with the times.
That's what she's doing.

150
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,920
No, no. I move with the times.

151
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,480
I'm a rolling stone. I gather no moss.

152
00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,680
Right. Don't forget,

153
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,720
I am as woke as the next man.

154
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,760
Unless, of course, the next man
happens to be my Uncle Cyril

155
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:11,040
who, er, bless his heart, still enjoys

156
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,160
rubbing up against people on busy buses.

157
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:15,400
Oi, oi!

158
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,240
- She's on the move.
- Yeah.

159
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,080
And it looks like she is going golfing.

160
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,360
Do make sure you get the enormous
bi-noc-ulars out.

161
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,440
She's fucking right there!

162
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,480
And there's no way she's going
bloody golfing in that outfit.

163
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:31,680
Look at time of day it is!

164
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,920
Maybe she enjoys a round of twilight golf.

165
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,680
Twilight golf, that's not a thing, man.

166
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,840
Of course it's a thing.
Everything's a thing.

167
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,280
You think of a thing.
The weirdest thing you can think of.

168
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,360
- Pony Scrabble.
- What?

169
00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:46,440
Pony Scrabble.

170
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,640
That's not a fucking thing.
They haven't got hands.

171
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,080
- [Vinnie] Genital chess.
- Gen… Yes! That is a thing.

172
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,520
[Vinnie] Does everything have to come down
to sex with you?

173
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,840
No, no, sunshine. There's plenty
of things that aren't sex-related.

174
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,360
- Go on, think of one, then.
- Well, I will.

175
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:08,640
There's…

176
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,440
What is there? What is there?

177
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:13,920
- Yeah.
- That isn't…

178
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,360
Nice one. Well done, dickhead.

179
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:17,480
- [honks horn]
- Oh, shit!

180
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,160
It's nippy, innit?

181
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:23,160
- There. There. The bastard's there.
- Yeah?

182
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,560
["The Lady Is A Tramp" playing]

183
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,560
- ♪ She likes the green ♪
- ♪ Green ♪

184
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,000
- ♪ Grass ♪
- ♪ Grass ♪

185
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,159
♪ Under her shoes ♪

186
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,360
[grunts]

187
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,720
♪ What can I lose
'Cause I got no dough ♪

188
00:08:37,799 --> 00:08:39,039
♪ Oh, no? ♪

189
00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:43,919
♪ I'm all alone when I lower my lamp ♪

190
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,880
♪ That's why the lady is a tramp ♪

191
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,960
[grunting]

192
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:52,640
[Daphne] Yes!

193
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,480
Hardwick.

194
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,800
♪ That's why the lady is a tramp ♪

195
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,840
Hardwick.

196
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,920
They're mine. My pond, my balls.

197
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,120
- I… I found them.
- In my pond.

198
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:15,320
You fat fucking peasant!

199
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,160
[cackles]

200
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,240
Lousy piece of shit.

201
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,000
- You know him?
- You could say we've got history.

202
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,280
He was horrible to my Cardi.
Come here to me.

203
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,800
- I'm fine.
- Come here. Come to Mum.

204
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,280
- Isn't he married?
- Yeah, to a fucking heiress.

205
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,440
- She's not an heiress.
- Her dad runs Brisby Sausages, Dylan.

206
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,680
I think that makes her an heiress.

207
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,720
Now he's sticking his pork banger
somewhere else.

208
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,440
That's exactly why
we're going to screw him.

209
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,960
How are we going to know
where he stores the cars?

210
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,840
Dylan's right. They'll have garages.

211
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,760
And they won't show it to you
unless you're an enthusiast.

212
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,920
I was listening to a podcast
about the Amphibicar.

213
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,240
Fucking hell! It's all fish, fish,
fish with you, isn't it?

214
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,880
We need to get down to Russell's
bloody golf course.

215
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,160
I want you two dressing up
as enthusiasts. Get him chatting.

216
00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:00,440
- Find out where them cars are.
- But Hardwick knows us, dude.

217
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,440
He knows me and you.

218
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,160
But he doesn't know Fat Ronaldo
and Captain Hansen, does he?

219
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,080
How are we going to pose
as car enthusiasts without a classic car?

220
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:08,760
My mum's got a really old car.

221
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:12,120
- What's the name of it? Triumph…
- A fucking Triumph? Triumph Herald?

222
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,400
Yeah, that's it.
My grandad left it to her. Listen to this.

223
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,400
When she was emptying
his house out, she found animal porn.

224
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,320
- [Ash] Which animal?
- What does that matter?

225
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,800
- Just curious. Which animal?
- It was hamsters.

226
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,760
- That's disgusting.
- Can you get it?

227
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,200
- What, the porn?
- The car!

228
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,240
- That would be worth seeing.
- Don't see why not.

229
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,560
- It's just sitting there.
- You've saved the bloody day!

230
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,800
You angel! Take JJ. And if you can
find the porn for our Ashley,

231
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:36,920
bring it, he's curious. Who's that girl?

232
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,320
- Oh, yeah. She started last week.
- Staring at you.

233
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,880
- No.
- Shh!

234
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,000
Ahem.

235
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,640
Carol, you should have seen her face. Boo!

236
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,960
I said it's not Halloween yet.
And she said "Maybe it is Halloween."

237
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,440
- Did you see that? She was.
- Oh, piss off.

238
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,720
- Just go and talk to her.
- And say what?

239
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,560
Just say, like, hello.

240
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,600
Talk to her like you talk to one of us.

241
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:00,280
Hey, how's it going?

242
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,080
You and I should
just go for a coffee together.

243
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:04,480
- That does it.
- [all approving]

244
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,600
Sexy, that. That was sexy.
That whispery thing.

245
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:09,640
- Go on.
- I'm Vinnie. Do you want to go…

246
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,320
- [whispers] …for a coffee?
- Doesn't work.

247
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,640
- Maybe just leave it.
- It is a shocker, like.

248
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,240
You can piss clean off, Carol!
With your stupid forehead!

249
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,000
I'm going having a stand-up wee.

250
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,040
[grunts]

251
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,760
Right, well, there she is.

252
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,080
She might not even start.

253
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,560
We'll have to give her a bump-start.

254
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,600
Ta-ra-ra bumpt-ee-eh!

255
00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,560
[cackles]

256
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,960
- Not looking good, is it?
- No.

257
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:40,720
Can you do it up?

258
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,200
Yeah. And a bloody wash
might make a difference.

259
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,760
- Just touch it up a bit.
- Ooh-er!

260
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,000
Good with his hands, is he, Sugar?

261
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,080
I like a man who's good with his hands.

262
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,040
[cackles]

263
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,280
Yeah. Yeah, he is.

264
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:57,080
You know, I'm so glad
that you've found someone, darling.

265
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,120
Because she's not a classic beauty.

266
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,840
Quirky, we used to call her.

267
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:03,480
Quirky little quack quack!

268
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:06,080
Quack quack quack!

269
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,760
Quack!

270
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:09,320
[cackles]

271
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,880
[sighs] Right, who wants a drink?

272
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,880
Great! Quack quack!

273
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,040
Ooh! [cackles]

274
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,920
What the hell are you doing?
She thinks we're a couple, you know.

275
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,440
I just can't stand her going on
about me being single.

276
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,640
It's no difference to you.
We'll be out of here in half an hour.

277
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,720
- Fine.
- Fine.

278
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,720
I don't think you look like a duck,
by the way.

279
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,560
- Thanks.
- Right!

280
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,880
T-t-t-to top ups! [cackles]

281
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,920
Oh… Pilau rice.

282
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,000
Nice?

283
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,360
Mmm.

284
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:52,160
[sighs] Oh, it's so lovely
to see you, sweetheart.

285
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,960
I'm so glad that you're so happy.

286
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,200
And JJ, you seem… lovely.

287
00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,920
Mmm. Thank you.

288
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,520
He is. He adores me.

289
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,320
- And I adore him.
- Hmm!

290
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,400
Oh, good. Good, good, good.

291
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,440
'Cause you're like me.

292
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,320
I love a dark-skinned man.

293
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:14,040
You know, Omar Sharif and…

294
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:16,520
Mohamadam Ali.

295
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,600
Get 'em up! [laughs]

296
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,400
But now that you're both here,

297
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:24,080
there is something
that I want to talk to you about.

298
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,320
What is it?

299
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,400
[sighs]

300
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:31,120
Oh, my God, are you dying?

301
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,360
- Is Uncle Paulie my real dad?
- No!

302
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:36,960
Well, it's unlikely.

303
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:38,760
Then what?

304
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,480
Look, me and her dad,

305
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:45,400
we had a lot of…
[American accent] …problems.

306
00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,320
- Yeah?
- And one of them was

307
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,600
the menopause.

308
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,080
- What about it?
- It came very early to me.

309
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:58,080
I mean, a lot earlier
than I've ever told you about.

310
00:13:58,160 --> 00:13:59,960
- How early?
- I was 33.

311
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,440
And your gran had it as well.

312
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,000
- You mean…
- Yeah. So it's…

313
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,280
It's… It's thingy!

314
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,760
Erm… Hereditary.

315
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:10,680
That's it. Hededitry. I mean…

316
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,480
I do not want to scare you,

317
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:15,160
but you seem so much in love.

318
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,800
And if you're set on having kiddies,
I would…

319
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,120
I'd just get a move on.

320
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,120
[beeping]

321
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,200
Ooh! That's the nan bread.

322
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,280
Are you okay?

323
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,480
I want to be someone's mummy.

324
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:51,400
I want to dress her up
in dungarees and pigtails.

325
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,480
What if I've left it too late?

326
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,560
[sniffs]

327
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,280
[cries]

328
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,640
Gentlemen, meet…

329
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,440
- Teresa.
- [cheering]

330
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,480
Dude! Amazing, man!

331
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,520
Fucking brilliant, well in, dude.

332
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,560
Why did you call her Teresa?

333
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,200
Like Mother Teresa.

334
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:33,440
I know, but she's a fucking nun
with dry ankles, isn't she?

335
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,040
Can you not think of a sexy car name?

336
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,280
All right, but what is
a super sexy car name?

337
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:38,560
- Scarlett.
- Nicole.

338
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:39,880
- Carol.
- Ooh.

339
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,240
What?

340
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:45,040
[Vinnie] Doesn't look like the kind of car
that'd be in a porno, love. [laughs]

341
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,520
["A Little Taste Of Soul" playing]

342
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,320
♪ I got rhythm all in my shoe ♪

343
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,760
♪ Somethin' was happening with you ♪

344
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,680
♪ Well, come on, baby
Come along with me ♪

345
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,240
Right, follow my lead.

346
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,920
♪ Well, before you grow too old ♪

347
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,360
[in posh accent] You there! You there!
Young man!

348
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:07,080
Young man! We're from out of town,
looking for a game.

349
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,120
Is the owner around, by any chance?

350
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,600
Mr Hardwick? He'll be in his office.

351
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,600
I can radio him.

352
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,440
Oh, goodness me,
that would be terrific. Nice one.

353
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:18,400
What? What are you doing?
What is that stupid accent?

354
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,240
- My posh voice.
- Groundsman to Mr Hardwick?

355
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,640
Adds a touch of class, no?

356
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,000
Just… It doesn't match your face, so…

357
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,920
What do you mean,
it doesn't match my face?

358
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,600
Will you just speak normally, please?

359
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,640
I'm in character, you clown.

360
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:34,080
This is method acting, for Rory.
My golf persona.

361
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,640
- Rory?
- That's right.

362
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,400
Worked out a whole back story for him.

363
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,840
Believe me, he had a tough childhood.

364
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,201
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
- In spite of that, he's prevailed.

365
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,640
He says he'll meet you at the terrace.
Over there.

366
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:50,480
Oh… Ever so nice.
Nice. Thank you very much.

367
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:54,720
- Don't draw attention to yourself.
- I know this, I just forgot. It's him…

368
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:55,960
Are you the out of towners?

369
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,320
Yes, aye. Dylan. Dylan Golding is my name.

370
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,000
And this is my associate.

371
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,840
Rory Finnegan. MBE.

372
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,240
Russell Hardwick, managing director.

373
00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:06,160
- So, which club are you from?
- Brookworth.

374
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,200
Brookworth? I know it well.

375
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:09,119
Yeah?

376
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,200
Yeah, I know the MD down there.
Michael Fincher.

377
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,160
Oh, Michael. Mickey boy. The Finchmeister.

378
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,359
- He's a great lad.
- Yeah, he's great, isn't he?

379
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,000
And such a nice guy.

380
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,240
Shame though about… what happened.

381
00:17:22,079 --> 00:17:23,079
- Frightful.
- I know.

382
00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:24,199
- Frightful.
- Unbelievable.

383
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,400
You wouldn't want to be managing
with only one.

384
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:30,560
Definitely better
with more than one. For sure.

385
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,400
- So you're after a game, yeah? Cheeky 18?
- Please.

386
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,040
That… That would be great.

387
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,680
We've been driving, you see.
Lots of driving, don't you know.

388
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,680
And we rather thought it would be
great to stretch our legs

389
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,760
and swing a few clubs around
the golf… course.

390
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,720
No problem. Strictly speaking,
we're a members club.

391
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,520
But I shall just give Mickey a call.
He can vouch for you.

392
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:54,760
And away you go.

393
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,520
The old cars.
I don't know about you, mate,

394
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,080
I find it really stiffens me up.

395
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,320
- I say old, I mean classic.
- Won't be a sec.

396
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,680
They go like a dream,
but they're not built for comfort,

397
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,200
the old classic cars!

398
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,560
Michael! Russell Hardwick.

399
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:08,840
Prepare to leg it.

400
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,680
Yeah, how's life?

401
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,880
Fantastic. I've got a couple
of your boys here looking for a game.

402
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,760
Dylan Golding and Rory…

403
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:19,040
- Finnegan.
- Finnegan.

404
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:20,120
MBE.

405
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,520
Uh-huh. Okay.

406
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,320
Okay, catch you later.

407
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,280
Course is all yours, gentlemen.

408
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,680
Mickey vouched for you.

409
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,840
Oh, Mickey. Good old… Michael.

410
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,440
- We need to get him a drink. Thanks.
- Enjoy.

411
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,880
We'll just fetch our clubs
from the Triumph Herald 1963.

412
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:52,920
It's like Fort Knox, Vinnie.

413
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:56,160
There is no way we are nicking
them cars from Hardwick.

414
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,240
- He keeps them in a special compound.
- What kind of compound?

415
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:00,480
Can we not break in?

416
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,280
No, the whole thing is guarded.
It's patrolled.

417
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,760
We asked to see them.
He got really paranoid about it.

418
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:10,720
I keep mine under lock and key.
CCTV. Guard dogs.

419
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,760
And a moat with piranha fish.

420
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,200
So dressing up as Rory was pointless.

421
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,000
So what you're saying is
we're fucked, aren't we?

422
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,680
- Yes.
- Yeah? All right, fine.

423
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,720
- We'll blackmail him, then.
- Blackmail?

424
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,320
This is Hardwick we're talking about.

425
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,840
He's an enormous cockhole.

426
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,840
Remember what he did to our Cardi?

427
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,200
Eh? He thinks he's better than everybody.

428
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,560
And we've got photographic evidence
of him playing away.

429
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,320
Thomas, give me the phone.

430
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,360
[clattering]

431
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,040
Who would over-arm it like that,
you fucking nutcase?

432
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:48,680
Oh, dude, he's a vindictive bastard.

433
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,920
He could turn nasty.

434
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,160
His wife's minted. We could name our price

435
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,160
and earn more than what Bishop's offering.

436
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,240
Exactly. JJ, have a look at that.

437
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,000
Still got his golfing glove on.

438
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,800
Seriously, listen.
All we need to do is work out

439
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,040
how to get photographs off the phone,

440
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,840
show his wife what a twat he is.

441
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,960
Yeah. You need a specific cable.

442
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,920
Christ! Thwarted at the first hurdle.

443
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,960
[pigeons flap]

444
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,160
[Vinnie] Ah.

445
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,600
Here he is. Knobhead.

446
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,880
Right, you. All you have to do
is show him these images…

447
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,400
Jesus… [muttering]

448
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,600
Show him these and ask for the money.

449
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,320
I don't want to do this. He scares me.

450
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,240
You need to go and show him who he's
dealing with, privileged knobhead.

451
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,640
- Leave the pigeon.
- I need him. I need him for courage.

452
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,080
- You can't take Nigel over there.
- I'm not doing it, then!

453
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,200
- Me and Nigel or nothing!
- Stop snapping, dude!

454
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,280
Knobhead!

455
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,840
- Cardi, tuck him in.
- Yes!

456
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,440
- Tuck yourself in.
- That doesn't even make sense.

457
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:48,960
It's just Russell Hardwick.

458
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,480
Just that knobhead Russell Hardwick.

459
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,360
- Russell.
- You?

460
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,880
The aquatic golf ball boy.

461
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,000
[gasps]

462
00:20:58,320 --> 00:20:59,640
Yeah, that's right.

463
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,680
It's me. Well, it's not just me.

464
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,920
There's other people involved as well.

465
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,160
- They're sitting in that van.
- What the fuck?

466
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,480
And this is Nigel.
Brains of the operation.

467
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,240
Er… Here's t'photos.

468
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,520
Nice one of you, that. Good angle.

469
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:20,560
Get in.

470
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,800
Get in the car if he's asking you
to get in the car.

471
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:24,960
Get in!

472
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,360
You can keep those. Those are copies.

473
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,560
Thank you.

474
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:37,560
So erm…

475
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:39,640
Have you got the cash?

476
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,440
Shall I tell you what happened?

477
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:50,080
Er… Yeah.

478
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,320
My wife, my beautiful, beautiful wife,

479
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:55,440
Sophia,

480
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,400
has got an incurable illness.

481
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,840
She's only 52 and she won't see 53.

482
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,480
["The Way We Were" playing on car radio]

483
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,720
I love her.

484
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,280
I do. I love her with all my heart.

485
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,920
But for a long time now,
because of the treatment,

486
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,600
and the drugs she's been taking,
there's been no…

487
00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:23,240
physical side to our relationship.

488
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,320
Have you any idea what that does
to a man, eh?

489
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:27,600
Er… Yeah.

490
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,440
And I know I should feel ashamed
of myself,

491
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,480
but… I just need…

492
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,680
that touch,

493
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:38,760
that…

494
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,320
feel of a woman.

495
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:42,560
And I succumbed.

496
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,840
But if you send those photos to my Sophia,

497
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:49,000
it will kill her.

498
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,040
It will. It will finish her off.

499
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,960
Imagine if it was your loved one.
Imagine how you'd feel.

500
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,040
Eh?

501
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,480
Sorry. Sorry.

502
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:02,760
No, it's…

503
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,320
It's all right. We… We…

504
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,880
We won't tell her.
We won't show the photos.

505
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,280
- Really?
- Yes!

506
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,680
Swear to me.

507
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,640
On your pigeon's life.

508
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,720
I swear on my pigeon's life, all right?

509
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,960
Thank you. You… good, good man.

510
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,200
Thank you.

511
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:29,040
["Hook Line and Sinker" playing]

512
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:32,680
♪ Like a catfish in the river
Like a flounder in the see ♪

513
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,160
Why isn't he carrying anything?
Shouldn't he have a bag?

514
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,800
Cardi… Cardi, where's the money?

515
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:39,920
Dickhead, why is he driving off?

516
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,680
I couldn't, Vin, man.
I just fucking couldn't.

517
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:44,960
What the fuck's going on?

518
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,360
You couldn't? Couldn't what?

519
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,200
What are you doing?

520
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:53,360
He misses the touch.

521
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,520
What does that even mean?

522
00:23:56,600 --> 00:24:00,640
Make some noise
for the amazing Baga Chipz!

523
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,680
[cheering]

524
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,960
Who's ready for my battered sausage?

525
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,120
Oh, God, look at the state of him!

526
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,240
- [Erin] Look at his weird forehead.
- Weird eyes.

527
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,560
He does have weird eyes.

528
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,600
Is that a couple… Wanting a threesome?

529
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,000
- Oh, stop it!
- Oh, my God!

530
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,120
You can't rush into this, you know.

531
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,960
Trust me, as someone who got
pregnant at the wrong time,

532
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,720
you need to make sure that you're certain.

533
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,440
I wish I had someone
I could even consider a future with.

534
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,760
Men just see me as my job.

535
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,480
Er… Excuse me!

536
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,080
You are beautiful, for starters.
And you're funny.

537
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:39,560
There's someone out there that would
kill to be with a woman like you.

538
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:40,640
Not him.

539
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,680
He looks like he smells of fish.

540
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:45,440
Mr McCann.

541
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:49,600
We'll catch up later.

542
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,400
Does she know… about our arrangement?

543
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,880
Oh, no, no. I'll tell her
you were looking for Vinnie.

544
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,160
Good girl. Here.
Incorporate this into the takings.

545
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,120
And congratulations,
you've had a very good month.

546
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,840
Thank you.

547
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,320
I'll be seeing you.

548
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,680
[beeping]

549
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:20,120
[Reggae music playing]

550
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,160
That's it. We've failed.

551
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,680
We've had the opportunity
to screw him twice now,

552
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,000
- and we've failed.
- Still, hear me out.

553
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,480
We could still send the photos
to his missus.

554
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:33,440
Unless, right, in his car,
he had this brochure for a car show.

555
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,720
The Vintage North.
What if he's taking his classics to that?

556
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,600
- I'm googling that.
- The Vintage North it was called.

557
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,640
Last day for entry is today.

558
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:44,000
So we're going to need to enter
Teresa, like, now.

559
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,440
We'd better get a shift on with that.

560
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,800
I don't want to miss that,
Christ on a bike.

561
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,840
[exhales]

562
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,880
- Nice tats.
- Sorry?

563
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,040
I like these.

564
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,200
You like my tattoos? I like your t…

565
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,000
I was nearly gonna say tits.
I panicked a little bit.

566
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:02,800
What I meant… I like your chain and…

567
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,080
- I'm Samantha.
- I'm Vincent.

568
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,480
Er… Vinnie. Vin… Vin.

569
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,480
Well, good to meet you, Vin,
Vincent, Vinnie, Vin.

570
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:13,320
Oh, shit.

571
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:16,120
I drink coffee sometimes.
You'll find me doing it…

572
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,440
Erm… I do it alone most times.

573
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,040
And I'm wondering…

574
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,840
You… Would… Do…

575
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,600
Would you like to come…with me…

576
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,240
It'll just be me and you on the day.

577
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,200
Yeah, that sounds great.

578
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,520
Yeah, I'd love a brew.
With you. On the day.

579
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:34,760
Yeah?

580
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,880
Oh, look at us two!
Just a couple… of coffee drinkers.

581
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,800
- I drink coffee!
- Shit, dude.

582
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:42,200
That went bad.

583
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,360
[Cardi] What's his name, Harold Shipman?

584
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,640
- [doorbell sound of hunting horn]
- Not Harold Shipman!

585
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,680
Pipsky. That doesn't get annoying,
does it?

586
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,640
- Harold… Harold Pipsky?
- Hello, gentlemen.

587
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,080
I trust you've come
to fill in the paperwork

588
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:58,880
- to enter the competition.
- Yes.

589
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,440
- And that's the lady, is it?
- Yeah, there she is.

590
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:05,320
Very nice indeed.
Right, I'll get the forms.

591
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:09,080
Her indoors prefers me to keep
car matters out of the house.

592
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:10,720
- Oh!
- Two ticks.

593
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:12,040
All right.

594
00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,520
Looks like he needs a little rod,
doesn't he?

595
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,480
A spade, and the pointy ears,
and a four-leaf clover.

596
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,240
- That's a bloody leprechaun.
- It's the same thing.

597
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,240
- No, it's not.
- A leprechaun is just an Irish gnome.

598
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:25,400
He looks like a gnome.

599
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,720
Are them the forms?

600
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,200
[exhales]

601
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:34,280
Beautiful.

602
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,200
Can I use your back?

603
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,360
Scrumptious.

604
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,480
Cardi, stay still.

605
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,280
Ever wish you could
take her out for dinner?

606
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,680
Wine her, dine her.

607
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,640
Maybe get a little flirty
after a couple of glasses too many.

608
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,920
Maybe invite her back for a bit of coffee.

609
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:55,560
A tender kiss when the time is right.

610
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:56,800
Exactly.

611
00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,480
- Then fuck her brains out.
- What?

612
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,520
What? No…

613
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,560
It's all right. I just got…

614
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,600
carried away with the…

615
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,640
metaphors. Is it metaphor?

616
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:08,880
Yeah.

617
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,920
And where are you going to put it
anyway? Up the exhaust...

618
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,760
Hey! Shall we just leave it there?

619
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,080
- Absolutely.
- I'm sorry to ask this,

620
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,120
but I'm a bit concerned about the old…

621
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,000
security. We can trust everyone, can't we?

622
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,200
Nothing to worry about on that account.

623
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,760
We're a community.
We all trust each other implicitly.

624
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,320
Fantastic.

625
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,400
Thanks ever so much.
Thank you, mate. All right.

626
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,000
Dude, that is a gnome. That is a gnome.

627
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,600
- Thanks for coming, Carol.
- Moral support.

628
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,200
Hey. Alex.

629
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:42,280
Nick.

630
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:44,720
I work in the travel industry.

631
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:49,200
Wednesday, we have a black bin
for general waste.

632
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:51,160
Green for garden clippings.

633
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,920
Sellotape, to me, is like heroin.

634
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,040
I love the look of it, the smell of it.

635
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,280
There's nothing you can't fix with it.

636
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,440
What about a plate? Or an arm?

637
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,080
["I Will Follow Him" playing]

638
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,800
She could have a face like a eel
but if she's got the right shoes on,

639
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,880
I will ride her like a bronco. Mmm!

640
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,120
I do like it out the back.

641
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,800
Out the… In the front, out the back.

642
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,280
- I'm a stripper.
- Not out the back, like.

643
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:24,040
I was a lesbos for a while
but I'm back into solids now.

644
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,440
I get my kit off and men pay me money.

645
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,320
♪ I'll follow
He'll always be my true love ♪

646
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,400
♪ My true love, my true love ♪

647
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,840
♪ From now until forever, forever ♪

648
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,560
Sorry, love, that was flat.
Can I have another one?

649
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,600
- Whoa!
- Hey, are you all right?

650
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,000
JJ…

651
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,040
Hang on. Got a podcast.

652
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:46,600
- What's it on?
- Californian droughts of the 1930s.

653
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,960
It is a madness. Back then, yeah,
the wind used to be so strong,

654
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,160
it would blow the dry soil
right up into the sky

655
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:53,600
and blacken it.

656
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:55,640
- Yeah.
- Oh, really?

657
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:57,680
Mmm. Fascinating.

658
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,840
And this is before
all the bloody global warming as well.

659
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,520
- Where are you going?
- Going home. You?

660
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,240
Yeah, same. I've…

661
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,280
I've had a bit of a bad day.

662
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,480
Do you fancy coming
and helping me drown my sorrows?

663
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,240
Oh, I was just going to…

664
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:18,080
Yeah? Yeah?

665
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:21,160
There's something I want you to see
from last year's show.

666
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,120
Before the judging takes place,

667
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,160
everybody gathers for a group photograph.

668
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,600
Check out the background.

669
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,160
- They've left their cars.
- Exactly.

670
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,920
And you wouldn't believe how long
it takes to get that photo sorted.

671
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:33,640
They'll have their keys with them though.

672
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:35,736
- Some do, some don't.
- It won't make a difference.

673
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,840
Them old cars, no deadlocks,
no immobilisers. Gone in seconds.

674
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:40,640
Do you not know this man, Hardwick?

675
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:42,280
No, never met the man.

676
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,800
I don't even know how she met him.
Through the golf probably.

677
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:46,880
- Or dogging.
- Is this ornamental?

678
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:48,640
No, no, I have got ornamental ones.

679
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,720
- But that will take your head clean off.
- Looks ornamental.

680
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:55,000
- It isn't.
- What's all this oriental stuff about?

681
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,680
- Why are you so into it?
- I'm a quarter Japanese.

682
00:30:57,760 --> 00:30:59,800
I find that very hard to believe.

683
00:30:59,880 --> 00:31:01,840
When I was married, my wife hated it.

684
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:05,280
But now I am free to embrace
my cultural identity.

685
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,520
Sorry, where might one find a washroom?

686
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:08,840
He wants a piss.

687
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:10,880
Oh, er… Outside, first on the right.

688
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,800
- Much obliged, Lord Bishop.
- Stop doing Downton Abbey, love!

689
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:19,120
- You're doing my head in.
- Honest to God, he loves a period drama.

690
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,400
- Ooh!
- Sorry.

691
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,240
Never met him, is it?

692
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,920
Vin, Bishop's won competitions
all over with his cars,

693
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,320
but not in the last three years.

694
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,960
He's also pictured with Hardwick
and a load of other lads, smiling away.

695
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:47,200
Look at this.

696
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,400
Motherfucker.
What do you reckon, there's been a beef?

697
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:51,840
Looks that way, yeah.

698
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:54,800
- Oi!
- Yeah.

699
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,960
- Good luck!
- Nice one, fella.

700
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,600
Slippery bastard. What are you up to?

701
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,800
[JJ] Oh, you've got Rod Stewart on here!

702
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,560
That is awful.
You should be bloody ashamed of yourself.

703
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,520
That was for a party, to be fair.

704
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,360
What about The Beautiful South,
was that for a party as well?

705
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,400
What the fuck is Brose?

706
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,480
- Bros!
- Bros?

707
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,360
- "Brose!" No, Bros.
- Bros?

708
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,640
Put Bros on, my fave.
I promise you're gonna love it.

709
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,320
- All right, there you go. Bros.
- Brose!

710
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:24,520
♪ When will I, will I be famous?

711
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,400
As bad as I thought.

712
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:29,560
Oh, my God, come on!
Let the music run through your veins.

713
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:31,600
No way are you getting me dancing.

714
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,240
- Let the brothers Bros enter you.
- No, thank you.

715
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,840
Come on! Just don't worry
about what anyone thinks.

716
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,600
JJ? Come on! Dance with me.

717
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:41,400
- Okay!
- Come on!

718
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,440
Shake that ass. Pretend nobody's watching.

719
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:48,280
What would Bros have done if they
worried about what people thought?

720
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,320
This song wouldn't exist.

721
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,360
♪ I can't answer that! ♪

722
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,320
You're mad.

723
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:59,600
♪ When will I, will I be famous?

724
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:01,640
♪ I can't answer ♪

725
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,080
["Legal Man" playing]

726
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:04,640
[car horns toot]

727
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,440
♪ L-O-V-E, love, it's coming back ♪

728
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:10,760
♪ It's coming back ♪

729
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:16,200
♪ L-O-V-E, love
It's coming back, it's coming back ♪

730
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,000
That X there, that's where
we are now. All right?

731
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,560
The in-competition cars,
they're going to be…

732
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:25,600
- there. Yeah.
- Why?

733
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:28,000
Why? They're going to line up
alphabetically.

734
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,680
Alphabetical to what though?

735
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:31,840
The name of the owner or the make of car?

736
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:35,200
It's the name of the owner.
Hardwick's a piece of piss 'cause…

737
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:36,920
It's halfway, in't it?

738
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,600
- You're not good with letters, pal.
- I'm not good with letters.

739
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,320
- Zuh…
- Zed.

740
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:46,240
Zed… That's our getaway.
Through the gate, gravel path, we're gone.

741
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,280
- What's that Q?
- That Q…

742
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,080
is the cake stall in case we get hungry.

743
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,600
We're not going for cakes!

744
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:56,800
We're robbing classic cars, bellend.
Trying to be a cool criminal.

745
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:00,640
Check your walkie-talkies.
Let's have a go on them.

746
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:02,880
Testing, testing.

747
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,160
- Mine's not working.
- Have you turned it on?

748
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,320
- No, where's on?
- Big fucking orange button, Cardi?

749
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,199
- Do we know what were doing?
- Yeah.

750
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,320
All right, sound enough. Positions, then.

751
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,400
Give it here. Do you know
what you're doing, you?

752
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,400
- No.
- No.

753
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:21,280
Get up there, you.
Get up there and behave yourself.

754
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:24,560
- Cardi, nice one.
- See ya later.

755
00:34:24,639 --> 00:34:26,280
- Behave yourself.
- Will do.

756
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:28,560
- No cakes, dude, I'm serious.
- Okay, okay.

757
00:34:29,679 --> 00:34:31,199
Hiya.

758
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,920
Oh, hi.

759
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:35,960
I've brought you a…

760
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:37,520
Yeah, thanks.

761
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,639
It's a latte. I hope that's okay.

762
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:42,280
- Didn't put sugar in.
- No, that's fine, thanks.

763
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:50,280
So I… I've called you
a couple of times and…

764
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:52,320
- WhatsApped.
- Yeah, I know.

765
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:53,960
I know you have actually. And…

766
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:58,040
I've been meaning to ring you.
But the thing is, erm,

767
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:00,280
my mum is ill.

768
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:01,720
- Oh.
- Yeah.

769
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,960
And erm… It's in her… pancreas.

770
00:35:05,720 --> 00:35:07,680
So I had to go and visit her.

771
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,320
Right.

772
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,160
- Pancreas?
- Yeah, yeah.

773
00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:15,640
Interestingly, the man
who discovered the pancreatic duct,

774
00:35:15,720 --> 00:35:18,120
he got murdered
in a disagreement with another man

775
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,240
who claimed he discovered it first.

776
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,440
Is it because you think
I just want a baby?

777
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:27,760
No.

778
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,240
Your mum's not sick, is she?

779
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:34,320
You just haven't called

780
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:36,400
because you want to pretend
that it didn't happen.

781
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:38,240
- I'm sorry.
- Is it because of my job?

782
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:39,960
- No.
- Then what?

783
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:45,880
You know what? Just fuck off, JJ.

784
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:48,280
I thought you were different.

785
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,800
You're just like all the rest.

786
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:57,800
What is wrong with me?

787
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,760
[Vinnie] Positioning Teresa
in the main viewing arena. Over.

788
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,120
Hey, are you at that fucking gate, you?

789
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,280
I swear to God, if you are eating
confectionery, dude…

790
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:25,120
All competitors, please gather
for the annual group photograph!

791
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,920
- Has anyone got eyes on Hardwick?
- Negative.

792
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,120
His cars are here
but there's no sign of him. Over.

793
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,680
Ashley, get yourself to
where that photo's happening

794
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,320
and get eyes on Hardwick.

795
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,320
Me and Tommo are going to head
round the back.

796
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,000
- Wait for the signal.
- I can't see him anywhere, lads.

797
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:44,840
Me, neither. Over.

798
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,320
He's not here.

799
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:51,240
Let's hope John's taken
the lens cap off! [chuckles]

800
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:52,720
Oh! Oh, shit. I see him.

801
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,760
- Where is he?
- He's right behind you.

802
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:55,960
Oh, shit.

803
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,840
Mmm. Mmm.

804
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:00,160
Original.

805
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:03,560
Er… What the fuck are you two doing here?

806
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:04,640
Shit.

807
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:09,040
- Daphne.
- Don't Daphne me.

808
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,760
First you're at my door and now
you turn up here. What's going on?

809
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:14,720
- Into cars. Sun's out.
- You're after his cars, aren't you?

810
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:16,680
- No.
- No, that's too much.

811
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,680
[shouts] Help!

812
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,440
Oh, fuck, dude!
You're biting my fucking hand off!

813
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,480
Stop! Ow, fucking hell!

814
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,200
[grunts]

815
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:30,480
Ow!

816
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,440
You've been taking pictures of me,
you perv!

817
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,120
Don't go in there, Daphne, don't!

818
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:37,160
[shouts]

819
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,120
[grunts]

820
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:40,640
Fuck! She got my dick!

821
00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:42,680
Stop pissing around, dickhead!

822
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:43,880
Daphne!

823
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:47,760
Hang on, I see him there now.

824
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:49,480
He's with the wife.

825
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:53,280
She's looking fierce healthy
for a dying woman. On the cocktails.

826
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:54,360
How are you, man?

827
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,680
The gentleman down there,
if he could move in a little bit.

828
00:37:57,760 --> 00:37:58,640
[mobile ringing]

829
00:37:58,720 --> 00:38:01,320
The man in the purple shirt,
move in a little bit.

830
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:03,120
[stops call]

831
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,400
- Don't be a dick. Come on.
- Pick up, pick up, pick up.

832
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:11,840
What are you going to do now?

833
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,200
Hit a woman? That your style now, is it?

834
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,600
You useless fucking fish killers.

835
00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:20,280
Look, Bishop just wants his cars back.

836
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:23,240
I know you're going through
a really shitty divorce.

837
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:26,480
But them cars out there,
they're his pride and joy.

838
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,760
What the fuck are you talking about?

839
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:32,320
The cars you've given away,
he wants them back.

840
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:33,480
He's paying us to do it.

841
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:36,600
[chuckles] Those aren't his cars.

842
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,320
- They're Russell's.
- You what?

843
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:43,520
Fucker! He's… He's using us, dude!

844
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,480
He's fucking using us to steal
Hardwick's cars for him!

845
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:47,800
Fuck!

846
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:52,320
Because he's jealous of him winning
and he can't win shit!

847
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,360
Useless, limp-dicked twat.

848
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:56,160
- Fuck's sake.
- How much is he paying you?

849
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,760
- Five grand.
- Hmm!

850
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:00,800
Five grand.

851
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,680
I'll pay you six not to.

852
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:03,800
[scoffs]

853
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:05,800
Ten.

854
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:06,880
Seven.

855
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:08,480
- Nine.
- Seven.

856
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:12,080
- Eight and a half.
- Take the seven grand, mate.

857
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:14,560
I'll take it. Done.

858
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:16,640
Knob.

859
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:20,880
Why are you here anyway?
His wife's round t'corner.

860
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,360
Because we like dangerous lovemaking.

861
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:25,000
Adds a little extra spice.

862
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:26,800
- Course you do.
- Oh…

863
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,960
It's called living, Vinnie.
You want to try it some time.

864
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:32,000
Right, well, bye-bye, boys.

865
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,080
- Daphne.
- [Vinnie] See you, love.

866
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:36,120
No.

867
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,400
Nice dealing with you, boys.

868
00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:45,440
- You trust her to pay you?
- I don't know.

869
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:46,920
I tell you one thing though,

870
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,200
she might get a kick shagging
other people's husbands.

871
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:51,400
I get mine stealing cars, smoking weed,

872
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:52,760
and hanging out with knobheads.

873
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:54,400
Change of plan!

874
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:56,880
- Shit!
- [Vinnie] We're on!

875
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,400
["Bohemian Like You" playing]

876
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,200
Vintage cars!

877
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:12,360
Oi!

878
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,920
How do you like them apples,
Hardwick, you posh twat!

879
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,000
Come… Oh, no!

880
00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:22,520
Bastards!

881
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,920
Get in the car! We've got to stop them!

882
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,840
Cardi, put down whatever you're scoffing!

883
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:30,040
- We're on our way, lad!
- Standing by.

884
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,000
Come on! Faster!

885
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,200
Cardi, get a bloody wriggle on!

886
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:38,600
♪ I'm glad you like mine, too
See we're lookin' pretty cool ♪

887
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,360
♪ Look at ya ♪

888
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,120
Close the gate, Cardi! Stall them!

889
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,760
Get in the fucking car!
Come on! The fuck, dude?

890
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:48,120
All right, I'm going as fast
as I can! Go for it!

891
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:50,600
[engines revving]

892
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,480
Get after them, boys!
Go on, get after them!

893
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,240
♪ On vegan food ♪

894
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:00,400
♪ Well, come over to my work
I'll have 'em cook you something ♪

895
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:02,240
Take that, Hardwick. Fuck you.

896
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:05,920
♪ 'Cause I like you
Yeah, I like you ♪

897
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:09,400
♪ And I'm feelin'
So bohemian like you ♪

898
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,400
♪ Yeah, I like you ♪

899
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:14,040
[Vinnie] Ash, Cardi, you take
the side road after the bridge!

900
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:16,760
- [Ash] Hold on, Cardi.
- Make your way back to JJ's.

901
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:18,560
Me and Dylan will take it from here.

902
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:21,480
[Hardwick] Once they get to the main road,
don't lose sight of them!

903
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,360
[Dylan] Right, Vin,
we'll take the left road.

904
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:24,840
Fuck me!

905
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,680
[tyres screech]

906
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:37,760
♪ Who's that guy? ♪

907
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:41,000
♪ Just hangin' at your pad
And he doesn't get bent ♪

908
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,640
♪ About sleepin' on the couch
When I'm there ♪

909
00:41:44,720 --> 00:41:46,720
- Yeah! We lost them, boys!
- Whoo-hoo!

910
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,560
♪ And I'm feelin'
So bohemian like you ♪

911
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:55,320
♪ Yeah, I like you
Yeah, I like you ♪

912
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:59,080
♪ And I feel, woah-oh, woo! ♪

913
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,000
We did it! We've fucking done it, boys!

914
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:08,240
[cheering]

915
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:15,360
[phone rings]

916
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:20,560
- Hello?
- Hi.

917
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:23,520
How's things?

918
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:26,040
Yeah, fine. What do you want?

919
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:29,400
Yeah, look, I've just been, you know,

920
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,080
thinking about a few things. And, er,

921
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:35,400
I realise that I've just been
a total idiot.

922
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,560
I could have told you that.

923
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:43,680
I haven't been with anyone
in a really long time.

924
00:42:45,040 --> 00:42:46,840
I understand.

925
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:49,080
But that doesn't mean
that I don't like you.

926
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,800
And it definitely doesn't mean
that I don't want to see you again.

927
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:55,200
I just… I need to take things slow.

928
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:57,920
All right.

929
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:02,400
So, well, if that works for you,

930
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,640
and you're still interested…

931
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,640
Well, I'd love to take you
on a date, you know.

932
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,680
Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

933
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:13,720
I'll have to check my diary.

934
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,240
- When are you thinking?
- Erm…

935
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,440
- How about right now?
- What?

936
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:22,280
Look out your front window.

937
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:29,520
- Your carriage awaits.
- Okay, but you'll have to wait for me.

938
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:32,920
I can't go for a date with these armpits.
Give me 15 minutes.

939
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,240
- Maybe 20.
- [laughs]

940
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:37,880
Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

941
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,280
I've got my podcast anyway.
The history of the pancreas.

942
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:42,600
Okay, okay. Okay.

943
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:44,680
["Us" playing]

944
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,680
♪ And it's contagious ♪

945
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,120
♪ And it's contagious ♪

946
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:53,320
♪ And it's contagious ♪

947
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,640
♪ And it's contagious ♪

948
00:43:56,720 --> 00:43:59,560
♪ And it's contagious, oh ♪

949
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,440
♪ And it's contagious, woah ♪

950
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:06,200
Yaah!

951
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:09,080
Mammy was adamant.
We all had the same dad.

952
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:10,560
I just want to find out.

953
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,080
[cheering]

954
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:14,720
If them two aren't fucking,
I am Uncle Tom Cobbler.

955
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:16,160
He's definitely mixed race, dude.

956
00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:18,440
Are you saying my mother
cheated on her loving husband

957
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:19,960
with a Black man? How dare you?

958
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,400
What the fuck are you doing?

959
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,640
You know Mammy well.
You know she was no saint.

960
00:44:24,720 --> 00:44:25,720
Ah, she liked the dick.

961
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,040
There is something in them
he doesn't want us to see.

962
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:30,000
Don't move
or we'll take your fucking heads!

963
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:32,720
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

964
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,760
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

965
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:41,760
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

966
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,760
♪ I got so much trouble in my mind ♪

967
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:48,840
♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪

968
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,240
♪ Give me the strength to carry on ♪